Another Year Gone By . . .

Today is April 20th and tomorrow is my 43rd birthday. Not sure how I feel about that. The past few years have been at best tumultuous for me. I was diagnosed with vulvar cancer 2 months before my 40th birthday. I went from wondering how to celebrate the big 4-0 to wondering if I would live to see 40. I survived the surgery and the staph infection, which actually came closer to killing me than the benign cancer did. I'm glad to be alive, don't get me wrong; but I just thought I would have done more or been more accomplished something more than I have by now. I know, I know if I don't like my life I have only myself to blame. The thing is I don't hate my life, I'm in a rut and I don't know how to get out.

I haven't worked since May 2006 because of this darn Meniere's Disease. However, the state of Georgia won't qualify me for disability or even general assistance. So I have been applying for work in and out of my field for over a year now, with no luck. Then there is the matter of my folks. Dad has more bad days then good lately and moms forgetfulness is beginning to scare me. Which makes me wonder if I can leave them alone to work full time.

I ordered my own birthday cake today . . . as usual. God forbid my mother remember the birthday of her only living child. I try to be sympathetic and understanding but it really ticks me off that she remembers April 21, 1967 as the day Valerie died rather than my first birthday. Valerie was her daughter from her first marriage and she was 16 when she died of a post-op pneumonia on my first birthday.


"All I have going is my looks. When my beauty goes, I'm through."
~ Ava Gardner

I know how she feels. I've always been told I was pretty, cute, beautiful, sometimes even adorable; but I'm not book smart. I somehow managed to accumulate more degrees than I have wall space to put them on. I have heaps of common sense, always have and it has served me well. I just hope it will be enough to carry me through the next 50 to 60 years.

Meh . . . enough whining about me, I have chores to do.