My most recent surgery was a success, but I am in PAIN! Apparently they didn't adjust the stirrups for my long legs. So my upper, inner thighs are very sore. Last night I put some of my moms menthol scented arthiritis creme on my thighs, and I put my hot water bottle on my belly. Isn't that a lovely mental image.
My abdomen feels like I was run over by a Jeep or maybe a small pick-up truck? Doesn't matter which way I turn I can't get comfortable sitting, standing, or lying down. I was puzzled by this as the hysteroscopic myomectomy I had in May was virtually painless. The only reason I stayed in bed for 3 days then was so I could read romance novels and have mom bring me food and pamper me.
Turns out with each procedure they do, the more fragile the uterus can become. Plus there are adhesions from my previous surgeries, I should have known that.
Apparently in addition to the uterine fibroid, I had a ruptured cervical cyst, a portion of which had become lodged inside me. I swear I am a walking medical disaster area. Fortunately, I have no internal stitches, they were able to remove that stuff and cauterize the area.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Please Pray for TruckerTexman!
I've been dancing around posting this for weeks. My man is not doing well and as of Wednesday this week he is suicidal, I am at wits end trying to help him. My previous Angry Blog is now kinda null and void. I didn't realize he was breaking up with me cause he was depressed and suicidal.
I better start at the beginning, fall 2008 when he was working for J.B. Hunt he got a ticket for bobtailing through Mc Donough, GA. He was going to see his baby boy from a previous marriage. Anywho he went to court twice to fight the ticket and both times the cop didn't show up. Do y'all have any idea how hard it is to get dispatch to route you home for a court date when you are OTR? I know you do, yet he did it; and he took all the loads that no one else wanted to do it. In NJ and GA if you fight a traffic/moving violation and the cop doesn't show up they are supposed to dismiss it. They didn't do that. Apparently there was a warrant out for his arrest but he didn't know it. He has always used his parents address as his mailing address since the divorce. He never received anything in the mail from the court after his last court date in December 2008.
Fast forward to June 2009, my darling Tex was one of those that got caught in the Swift debacle a couple months ago and lost his CDL. Tex has been driving for almost 5 years so neither of us thought re-taking the test would be a big deal. He passed the written test with flying colors! When he went to take the driving portion they ran his license and found a warrant for his arrest from the bobtail ticket 9 months earlier. He was shocked! Worse because he had just spent the last week getting the rig fixed at de Boer up in Wisconsin, he was kinda broke. They sent my man to jail for 3 days and the little money he had went for the fees and such. I think that going to jail just broke his spirit.
My cousin has a rental property that had been trashed back in March, by the previous tenants. So I gave them each others numbers and he has been working on making that house liveable again since June. He is almost done. He used the money he has earned from fixing up her rental property to help out his folks financially, as he was staying with them, child support, and of course some minor repairs on his motorcycle. He also re-took the driving portion of the CDL test . . . and he failed, twice. I don't understand how he could fail it twice when he has been driving for almost 5 years and he did so well on the written test, and neither does he.
Then his mom who is on dialysis 3 days a week and needs both a kidney and a pancreas transplant went crazy and kicked him out. So he moved into his friend Danny's grandparents house along with his friend Danny. Danny was let go from de Boer after failing the test just once. It's a big house, her 8 cats have 2 rooms of their own. Well Tuesday he was down at my cousins house working on finishing it up and Danny calls and says his grandparents are kicking Tex out. He's only 29, and he's desperate and he can't seem to catch a break lately. Now it seems he has just given up on everything. He told me Thursday afternoon that he was going to kill himself. He has set up a small trust fund for his son, and is looking into the best ways to die so that he can be an organ donor. He wants as much as possible to be used to help someone else. Here I go crying again. I just can't seem to stop.
My dad doesn't believe in shacking up, but this is different. I told Tex last night to come here and stay, even if he does it in his tent. I would never forgive myself if he kills himself and I hadn't done something, anything to help him. I'm still a little weak from my surgery but I am gonna try to get down to Fayetteville where he is working on that house for my cousin today or tomorrow.
Me, mom, and my cousin have been praying for him round the clock. I'd be mighty appreciative if you all would pray for him too. He really is a good man, but he has fallen on hard times and just lost his way it seems.
I better start at the beginning, fall 2008 when he was working for J.B. Hunt he got a ticket for bobtailing through Mc Donough, GA. He was going to see his baby boy from a previous marriage. Anywho he went to court twice to fight the ticket and both times the cop didn't show up. Do y'all have any idea how hard it is to get dispatch to route you home for a court date when you are OTR? I know you do, yet he did it; and he took all the loads that no one else wanted to do it. In NJ and GA if you fight a traffic/moving violation and the cop doesn't show up they are supposed to dismiss it. They didn't do that. Apparently there was a warrant out for his arrest but he didn't know it. He has always used his parents address as his mailing address since the divorce. He never received anything in the mail from the court after his last court date in December 2008.
Fast forward to June 2009, my darling Tex was one of those that got caught in the Swift debacle a couple months ago and lost his CDL. Tex has been driving for almost 5 years so neither of us thought re-taking the test would be a big deal. He passed the written test with flying colors! When he went to take the driving portion they ran his license and found a warrant for his arrest from the bobtail ticket 9 months earlier. He was shocked! Worse because he had just spent the last week getting the rig fixed at de Boer up in Wisconsin, he was kinda broke. They sent my man to jail for 3 days and the little money he had went for the fees and such. I think that going to jail just broke his spirit.
My cousin has a rental property that had been trashed back in March, by the previous tenants. So I gave them each others numbers and he has been working on making that house liveable again since June. He is almost done. He used the money he has earned from fixing up her rental property to help out his folks financially, as he was staying with them, child support, and of course some minor repairs on his motorcycle. He also re-took the driving portion of the CDL test . . . and he failed, twice. I don't understand how he could fail it twice when he has been driving for almost 5 years and he did so well on the written test, and neither does he.
Then his mom who is on dialysis 3 days a week and needs both a kidney and a pancreas transplant went crazy and kicked him out. So he moved into his friend Danny's grandparents house along with his friend Danny. Danny was let go from de Boer after failing the test just once. It's a big house, her 8 cats have 2 rooms of their own. Well Tuesday he was down at my cousins house working on finishing it up and Danny calls and says his grandparents are kicking Tex out. He's only 29, and he's desperate and he can't seem to catch a break lately. Now it seems he has just given up on everything. He told me Thursday afternoon that he was going to kill himself. He has set up a small trust fund for his son, and is looking into the best ways to die so that he can be an organ donor. He wants as much as possible to be used to help someone else. Here I go crying again. I just can't seem to stop.
My dad doesn't believe in shacking up, but this is different. I told Tex last night to come here and stay, even if he does it in his tent. I would never forgive myself if he kills himself and I hadn't done something, anything to help him. I'm still a little weak from my surgery but I am gonna try to get down to Fayetteville where he is working on that house for my cousin today or tomorrow.
Me, mom, and my cousin have been praying for him round the clock. I'd be mighty appreciative if you all would pray for him too. He really is a good man, but he has fallen on hard times and just lost his way it seems.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
I'm Angry
I'm angry at you for leaving,
I'm angry at God for sending you into my life,
and I'm angry at myself for believing that I deserved to love again.
I'm just too old for this crap.
Relationships are really not worth the effort I always put into them.
I am locking my heart up again, this time for good.
Some say, "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
This is bullshit. This is always said by people in love, people who have never had their heart ripped out by a spikey glove then stomped upon by King Kong in cleats.
I' know my heart will heal . . . in time; but I am not doing this again.
I just don't have the strength.
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