I'm Scared.

I'm scared. Daddy hasn't been doing well this week at all. He has Parkinson's and his symptoms seem to have intensified lately. On Wednesday when they came back from the senior center he couldn't get himself out of the car by himself. That's only happend once or twice before, but it was last winter when he first came home from the hospital. His sudden weakness and inability to stand up from a sitting position is odd. It scares me, it terrifies mommy.

Mom has been helping him in and out of bed for months now. We had the master bath re-done in May to accomodate him.

Today after he came from the center he was still hungry, so mom fixed him a ham and cheese sandwich and gave him some water and a slice of poundcake. I keep telling her not to give him sweets cause he's diabetic, but she doesn't listen to me. He lost 21 pounds during the 3 weeks he was in the hospital and rehab center back in January. Mom has been trying to fatten him back up ever since.

After he ate, he was cold, because I had the a/c set to a frigid 77. He went outside on his own power using his cane; and sat on the deck to soak up the warmth. This is normal for him in the summer. When mom checked on him an hour later he was napping. She noticed dad had changed into his swim trunks before he went outside. She put on her swimsuit and was gonna try to get him to do some movement exercises in the shallow end. But then the phone started ringing, and she put in a load of laundry. I was finishing up painting the trim in the bathroom. Long story short, the next time she happend by the kitchen door he was calling for her in a low hoarse voice. Apparently he had tried to get up and couldn't! Mom immediately came and got me and said, 'he needs help getting up.' Daddy claimed to have called both of us for almost an hour and was scared he would have to spend the night out there. Mom said no way was it an hour. But the truth is one of the symptoms he has been having trouble with is talking loudly or even in a normal voice. He thinks he is speaking in his rich bass like he did years ago, but really it's almost a whisper and his voice trails off at the end of sentences. Lately, I have to lean across the table to hear him say grace at dinner and it's not that big a kitchen table.



I had to literally pull him out of the chair today. It's just one of those plastic resin patio chairs, but we put a super thick pillow in it, so it's not so low and he can get up by himself. Once we got him to his feet, he started to sway and said, "I'm falling." Mom said no you're not and put his cane in his hand. I ran to the bedroom for his rollator. I wasn't gone a full 2 minutes and in that time he almost fell over and took my mom with him. :( I had to literally reach down and lift his feet so he could move, even with the rollator. It was scary . . . for all of us. We were able to get him into the bedroom and helped him to lie down. He looked so weak and a little grey. He went to sleep almost immediately.

There is no cure for Parkinson's. There are treatments, but they don't seem to be working well with my dad; maybe because he is 81 now. Or maybe because he refused various treatments when they were first offered 3 years ago; because he thought the Lord would heal him.

Mom came into my room around 2:00AM and I could tell she'd been crying because her eyes were red, and watery. I hugged her and said it would be okay, but we both know it won't be.