Mystery Malady

So this morning (Saturday, 6/27/09) around 4:00 AM I am puttering around on the PC, whilst eating popcorn and drinking lemonade. I dropped a piece of popcorn on the floor and picked it up with my toes. Yeah, I know I'm weird; but I've been picking stuff up with my feet since I was a kid. Besides it's not like I was gonna eat it.

Anyway as I lift my right foot to put the popcorn in my left hand I had the most God awful stabbing pain in my lower right abdomen, near the pelvic bone. It felt kinda swollen, then I was sidetracked by the immense heat, nausea, and dizziness that swept over me. I have a portable a/c unit in my room and I was cool and comfy mere seconds before. Now all of a sudden, sweat is popping out on my forehead and I'm nauseous. WTF?!? When I try to put my leg down the pain gets worse and I feel a hard knot, like a large marble, between my belly button my pelvic bone. I push on it and it hurts bad, but then it disappears and the pain goes away. I stumble to my bed and basically pass out until about 11:00 AM.

My self diagnosis was a hernia until I of course checked the net and now I am thinking possibly appendicitis because I have had intermittent nausea, dizziness, lack of appetite, and consistent tenderness in the lower right quadrant of my abdomen all day.

I have an ominous feeling that this is most likely appendicitis; but I don't want to go to the ER on a Saturday night. That's when all the drunks, bar fights, and domestic violence people are in there. Plus I want a real surgeon, not a student who will make my belly look like a Rand Mc Nally map. I'm hoping I can hold out until at least 9 AM on Monday. Then again maybe it's something routine but not potentially deadly like a hernia.

Oh and the third option is, adhesions from my most recent surgery in May. That was a hysteroscopic myomectomy.

Anyone with a medical background want to take a stab at a diagnosis?

Septic Tanks Are Barbaric

The septic tank and leech field debacle continues. Chad started to dig today
as you can see. He thought he was putting in additional septic lines
but it seems someone (phone, cable, electric who knows?) cut through
the septic field lines. And the reason we have had to get our septic
tanks pumped 3 times in the last 7 weeks is because we have only been
using one-third of the available septic lines. So I'm not sure if he
can repair that or if we still need new lines dug.

Don't even get me started on why the septic tank is in the front yard underneath the master bedroom window. We've got 1.25 acres most of which is backyard. They should have put it there!

I'm not being elitist, septic tanks Are barbaric. Coming from the civilized north where septic tanks are as common as hen's teeth; to Georgia where they are as common as Walmart. I just don't understand. A septic tank and field is a functional but extremely archaic way to remove human waste. No matter how well constructed and maintained you always run the risk of contaminating the ground water supply.

If it weren't for bad luck, I swear we wouldn't have any luck at all.

2 niggaz in a pickup truck

My parents, my mother in particular has a long history of not believing me when I tell her something. It doesn't matter what it is, she just assumes I am wrong and anybody else is correct...especially if that someone else is a male. Her mother was the same way. So I guess it's hereditary, or maybe it's just because mom is of the last genration to think men must have all the answers.

Anywho I was trying to get the pool clean. We didn't open it until last Wednesday because mom said not to. More on this monumental headache later.

Mom almost bought $138 worth of frozen steak and fish from '2 niggaz in a pickup truck' today. I think my blood pressure went through the roof. The guys worked for some shyster company, the name was neatly printed on the side of the truck to give an air of legitimacy.

I looked at the meat but it didn't look fresh, even though it was frozen and cryo-vac'd which is like being hermetically sealed. The website was on the side of the truck so I quick looked it up and found all sorts of complaints! I printed out one and mom didnt believe me! She listened to that shyster salesman. She believed some black man off the street over ME!!!! I was PISSED OFF!
I went back and printed out 3 different complaints and finally she believed me. She grudgingly made them take the meat out of the freezer in the garage. Luckily she had yet to give them a check.

Let me tell you, I was LIVID! When I tell you something is a SCAM and provide proof of said scam, then Damn It you better believe me and do as I say.

Whatever you do, DO NOT buy anything from The Cattle Exchange! The company is real, but the product is substandard and it's basically just a scam. They come door to door selling frozen steaks, burgers, fish, shrimp and I think they had some pork chops. Best part of the scam it's not a freezer truck. It's a pickup with a freezer in the back of it. The kind you bend over and reach into, that you buy at Sears. What is this plugged into? It was 3 PM when they got to us, how long had it been unplugged? Since 8 AM or 9AM? Meh, no thank you.


Bottom Line: When I tell you the berries are ripe, get your basket and start picking.

Matricide isn't murder . . .

If I can get my blood pressure down and settle my nerves long enough to stop thinking matricide is worth the time I would have to serve in prison. I will blog about what my beloved mother did today to set me off; and put me in such a foul mood. This may take some more wine. Yes, I have already had one glass of chardonnay.

Quotes I Like

Being caregiver to senior citizens is like living with 80 year old toddlers . . .
who are in constant need of a nap. Patricia Green

"I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die to find out there isn't,
than live my life as if there isn't and die to find out there is." Albert Camus

Without integrity there is no love. ~ Halle Berry

"Forgive me for not writing but this man is exhausting.” ~ Wallis Simpson

"If someone has a gun and is trying to kill you, it would be reasonable to shoot back with your own gun." ~ Dalai Lama

Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart. Marcus Aurelius

If it is not right do not do it; if it is not true do not say it. Marcus Aurelius

It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live. Marcus Aurelius

That which is not good for the bee-hive cannot be good for the bees. Marcus Aurelius

Poverty is the mother of crime. Marcus Aurelius

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. Marcus Aurelius

I'm very happy at home. I love to just hang out with my daughter, I love to work in my garden. I'm not a gaping hole of need. Uma Thurman

If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need. Marcus Tullius Cicero

The country is making a big mistake not teaching kids to cook and raise a garden and build fires. Loretta Lynn

Mutual Bliss on a Bike

Tuesday May 19, 2009, a day that shall live in infamy. My beau Tex, purchased a 1994 Honda Shadow VLX 600. He had been mentioning to me for months about needing to get another motorcycle. I, never having been into the biker scene said, "no one needs a motorcycle."



To say he was happy doesn't begin to describe his joy when he bought this motorcycle. I could hear the ear to ear smile in his voice, when he called me and he sounded positivly ebullient. First of all it's in darn near mint condition. The previous and only owner took really good care of it. Second it's blue, his favorite color. Third, and maybe I'm biased; but he looks darned fine sitting astride that bike. Did I mention it didn't need any work? He spent half the next morning polishing chrome that was already shining. He changed the spark plugs but apparently they didn't really need it. He mentioned maybe adjusting the idle.


I had to apologize to him the next day for not showing the proper amount of enthusiasm when he called. Though to be fair it was 1:30 AM and I had been asleep for 2 hours already. Wednesday night I surprised him by meeting him outside the local Target, and he was still smiling. He gave me a ride around the parking lot and I have to say I liked it. I'm not sure what I was expecting; but it was a pleasurable experience that reminded me a little bit of the freedom I feel when skiing, added bonus: being close to my man. So there we sat, in the Waffle House, grinning at each other like fools because we had fallen in love with a motorcycle. I can honestly say I felt blissful even the next day, he could hear it in my voice on the phone twelve hours later.



Just what is it about motorcycles that produces that blissed out feeling?



FWIW: Never tell your beau that his dimples make him look too cute to be a bad a## biker dude. LOL

Today Was Hell on a Ritz Cracker

I was supposed to clean my room today and I did in fact did fill one large black Hefty bag with old catalogs, magazines, mail from 2008 etc. that was stacked and scattered about in-between mom ducking her head in to make sure I was cleaning and not on the computer.

Grrr, Then she asks if my toilet is working and I tell her, “as a matter of fact, no it isn't.”

She starts screaming, “Oh God! Oh God! People are coming, people are coming!”

I'm like calm down, who's coming? Then I said, "never mind that, just call them and tell them not to come."

She finally sputters out that her sister Louise, my cousin Denise, and her son Malcolm are coming. Then she tells me that they said they wouldn't come if it was raining. At this point it's like noon maybe 1PM and it has been raining since like 10 PM last night. I am stupefied as to why she didn't just say, it's raining don't come.

No one answers at their house and she goes into melodramatics. I call Denise on her cell and tell her the deal. She's like okay that's cool, thanks for calling. Then I tell mom to do what I asked her to do 3 months ago and call the damn septic pumping company!

Miraculously, it registers this time.

The septic guy was out on a call. Got here around 3 or 4 PM, I don't remember exactly; and this next part is priceless.

He tells my dad, what I told dad & mom 3 months ago. The septic field is flooded because the ground is saturated. This is why the toilets only back up when it rains. Actually, Tex told me this and that if we didn't take care of it ASAP we would end up with puddles of sewage in the backyard and in the kitchen sink and it would cost a small fortune to fix. I told my folks exactly this in early March. I tell them to call and get the septic field fixed, drained or whatever every time it rains. Because every time it rains the toilets back up and the bathroom sinks gurgle. This has been happening since at least fall 2008. But no one listens to me because I am the baby girl and apparently an idiot.

They never listened.

So today we paid $350 to have the septic guy pump 1200 gallons from a 1000 gallon septic tank.

Probably woulda been half that if they had called in February or March.

But even better, because the ground and septic field were so saturated, due to all the rain we have had; once he pumped the septic tank, 200 gallons of water from the septic field came rushing back into the tank. I could hear it, like water rushing into a giant metal bucket. Chad was kind enough to explain what the rushing water sound was. For the math minded people this also explains why he was able to pump 1200 gallons out of a 1000 gallon septic tank.

If the rains keep up he guesstimates he will have to come back in a month to do the same thing. His recommendation in the meantime is to A) fill in the sink holes in the front yard. Oh, did I forget to mention the sink holes that have appeared in the front yard? Two were there when we moved in, but they have become deeper in the last month or two. One just appeared like a month ago. Which I have already put like 80 pounds of top soil in, but you can’t tell. I’ll post pictures tomorrow. Apparently those are places where the septic field has saturated the ground.

Don't get me started on what kind of asswipe builder puts the septic tank outside the master bedroom window, so that the septic field takes up the entire front yard and part of the side yard. B) Apparently we don't have enough septic lines because our house was built in 2003 and the law changed in mid-2004. The folks moved here in August 2004 so we need additional septic lines dug/installed which will cost approx. $2,000-$3,000.

In between all this Tex was calling like every 30 minutes because he was bored and driving in a no cell zone somewhere in Indiana so his calls kept dropping. Mom would come and ask me a question about how to make a hotel reservation and get snippy because I was on the phone and not at her beck and call. Mind you, I told her what to do yesterday but her short-term memory is shot and it’s just not worth arguing about, so I just tell her everything 53 times.

Tex can hear our banter back and forth and is like didn't I tell you 3 months ago, to tell them to get a septic guy out there?! I said yes dear, and I told them. Mom’s reaction was to get her bathroom renovated. (There will be a blog about that once I get the pics sorted out.)

Septic guy, (his name is Chad) needs the hose, so I put on my duck boots and go out back to get it. I completely forget that the pool cover doesn’t extend as far onto the concrete as it did in Jersey. So I think I am walking on cement and I take a step down into the pool because the cover has a lot of give to it. I landed on the first step and got wet up to the knee. Left foot/and leg stay on level ground but I twist my left ankle. Major pain along with being pissed off at being wet to the knee. Start to scream for help and realize no one will come. Mom has gone to the Dollar Store and Dad is out front with Chad. So I just suck it up, get up, and grab the muddy hose out of the grass and go.

Mom it turns out was still home, but on her way out. She gives me the poor baby look when I explain why I am wet and muddy on one side and tells me to sit down and elevate my now throbbing left ankle; but I can't because dad isn’t wearing his hearing aids so he hears next to nothing Chad says. So I have to stay outside near the open septic tank which stinks to high heaven to act as interpreter, plus run and turn on the hose whenever Chad needs it.

Like 2 hours later Mom brings home grilled KFC & hot wings but they only gave her 2 meals not 3. So she had to go back. In the meantime the septic guy has left and I took a hot shower. I ate 5 hot wings drank some Kool-Aid, watched some TV and promptly conked out on the sofa. I slept from about 8:15-10:30PM, missed dinner and was just completely wasted.

Now I'm awake, my ankle is not swollen but sore.

I love my parents I really do; but living with them at this stage of their life is like living with 80 yr. old toddlers. I need someone my parents respect and trust to tell them that there are times when I tell them what to do and they have to do it.

I fully comprehend that they fear losing their independence. Trust me, I did not plan on having to be a caregiver to both so soon. I would LOVE for them to remain cognizant and able to do everything forever. But there are some things they can't do or don't know enough about and when I tell them how to fix it, or do it, they need to snap to!

Same thing happened 2 weeks ago with dad's car and the tires. If they had, had the tires rotated in October when Tex told them to because they were wearing unevenly, they probably could have gotten away with only buying 2 tires instead of 4.

Tex is a trained mechanic, they know this. Did they listen to him? Nooooooo. That sounds too much like sense.