A Come to Jesus Meeting

I think I need to have a come to Jesus meeting, with God. I've held up my end of the deal often going above and beyond what was necessary. Not just to be a good daughter, but a good person, and hopefully a good Christian. I know I'm an excellent worker, yet he struck me with one serious illness after another until I had to stop working. I don't want to be disabled; I damn sure don't want a handout. But if God isn't going to allow me to collect SSD, then he needs to step up to the plate and find me a decent job.

There has obviously been a mistake, God seems to think I am to be a modern day Job. Lest you think I exaggerate, in the last 3 years I have been stricken/blessed with: vulvar cancer, Meniere's disease, uterine fibroids the size of North Dakota, diverticulosis, psoriasis - not on my elbows like most people, but on my scalp, ears, and nose. FYI - When you get psoriasis on your scalp, it takes out your hair. You could say I'm irked, but that really doesn't do my current emotional state justice. Speaking of my emotional state, I seem to be fighting a never ending uphill battle against major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder.

Did I mention that dad's Parkinson's has kicked into overdrive, seemingly overnight. Mom's doctor says she is in the early stages of dementia. Which means that I am now a caregiver to my adult parents. It SUCKS for all of us in different ways, at different times. For me it's like living with 80 year old toddlers. Willfull, spoiled, adult size toddlers. Occassionally I worry that I will get some great job in Atlanta and have to hire people to chauffer and care for my parents. However, with the economy in the crapper, and double digit unemployment rates, not just in Carroll County but in the entire state of Georgia, it seems I am putting the cart before the horse.

This is not how my life was supposed to be. I was supposed to be married with a few kids, a dog, and a house in the burbs by now.