A Come to Jesus Meeting

I think I need to have a come to Jesus meeting, with God. I've held up my end of the deal often going above and beyond what was necessary. Not just to be a good daughter, but a good person, and hopefully a good Christian. I know I'm an excellent worker, yet he struck me with one serious illness after another until I had to stop working. I don't want to be disabled; I damn sure don't want a handout. But if God isn't going to allow me to collect SSD, then he needs to step up to the plate and find me a decent job.

There has obviously been a mistake, God seems to think I am to be a modern day Job. Lest you think I exaggerate, in the last 3 years I have been stricken/blessed with: vulvar cancer, Meniere's disease, uterine fibroids the size of North Dakota, diverticulosis, psoriasis - not on my elbows like most people, but on my scalp, ears, and nose. FYI - When you get psoriasis on your scalp, it takes out your hair. You could say I'm irked, but that really doesn't do my current emotional state justice. Speaking of my emotional state, I seem to be fighting a never ending uphill battle against major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder.

Did I mention that dad's Parkinson's has kicked into overdrive, seemingly overnight. Mom's doctor says she is in the early stages of dementia. Which means that I am now a caregiver to my adult parents. It SUCKS for all of us in different ways, at different times. For me it's like living with 80 year old toddlers. Willfull, spoiled, adult size toddlers. Occassionally I worry that I will get some great job in Atlanta and have to hire people to chauffer and care for my parents. However, with the economy in the crapper, and double digit unemployment rates, not just in Carroll County but in the entire state of Georgia, it seems I am putting the cart before the horse.

This is not how my life was supposed to be. I was supposed to be married with a few kids, a dog, and a house in the burbs by now.

Rambling Thoughts

Some people say, "God never gives us more than we can handle." Sometimes I wish God didn't trust me quite so much.



It's a beautiful day out. Bright sun, minimal clouds, kids playing and riding bikes in between hopping in and out of their kiddie pools. It was a day that made me think, "God is in his heaven and all is right in the world." Until mom started bitching that I should be helping her do something...anything. She had just finished washing one side of the 6' white plastic fence and I suspect she wanted me to do the other side. I opted not. Instead I chose to trim the bushes out front. Yes, that was an equally tedious and hot chore; but I took joy in watching the previously scraggly bushes take on a nicely manicured, roundish shape.

Mom hates that I planted multi-color zinnias around the mailbox last year, especially since they are perennials and come back every year. She says they are too tall, but I think they are just right.



Patsy

My Friend From Red Bank Is No Longer Visiting

Yahoo! My crimson tide has finally stopped flowing after 17 days. I'd stand up and cheer, complete with kart wheels if I weren't so darned weak from blood loss.


In honor of the end of my period I have listed some of Aunt Flow's Menstruation Euphemism's some are funny, clever, gross, pornographic and others are just down right sick and perverse; IMHO. I thought I deleted the odd sexual or pornographic ones. If I didn't it's probably because I had no clue what it meant or how it related to a womans menstrual cycle.

Arts and crafts week at Panty Camp
At high tide
Aunt Dot
Aunt Flo(w)'s in town
Aunt Rose visiting
Aunt Ruby

Big Red
Bitchy witchy week
Bleedies
Bloody Mary

Calendar days
Charlie popped out of the bush and I need allies
Checking into the Red Roof Inn
Closed for business
Closed for maintenance
Closed shop
Code red
Cousin Claudia
Cousin Tom (Time Of the Month)
Crimson curse, The
Crimson tide, The
Crimson wave, The
Curse, The

Dam has burst, The
Dark week, The
Dead week
Dishonorable discharge from the Uterine Navy

Falling to the communists
Flying the red flag
Friend from the Red Sea

Game Day for the crimson tide
Gift, The
Girl time

Hammock season
Having the painters in
Hunt for Red October, The

Kitty has a nosebleed, The

Lady days
Lady in the red dress
Little Red Riding Hood (in the woods)

Massacre at the Y
Misery, The
Monthlies
Monthly bill
Monthly curse
Monthly time
Monthly trouble
Monthly visitor
Moody monthly
Moon time
Moses parting the Red Sea
Mother nature's curse
Mother Nature's gift
Mucking out
My cup of joy is overflowing

Nosebleed in Australia
Nuisance, The

Oil change
Old faithful
On the blob
On the rag
Ordering l'Omelette Rouge
Out of commission
Out of order

Pad straddling
Painters are in, The
Panty painting
Panty shields up, Captain!
Periodical
Playing banjo in Sgt. Zygote's Ragtime Band

Rag, The
Ragtime
Red dollar days
Red flag is up, The
Red letter day
Red light district
Red moon rising
Red ribbon week
Red rider's revenge
Red river blues
Red scare, The
Red snow, The
Red special
Red wings
Red witch
Riding the cotton cowboy
Riding the cotton pony
Riding the crimson tide
Riding the crimson wave
Riding the red ball special

Saddling Old Rusty
Santa's bringing the presents
Scarlet letter, The
Seeing red
Sitting on a sock
Squeaky mattress symphony
Snatchbox decorated with red roses, A
Soggy box
Sprung a leak
Strings attached
Surfing the crimson tide
Surfing the crimson wave

T.O.M. (Time Of the Month)
Taking Carrie to the prom
Technical difficulties
That time of the month
Time to change the filter
Tin roof's rusted
Tomato boat has come in
Train wreck
Trolling for vampires

Up on blocks

Vampire's bag lunch
Visit from the Cardinal, A
Visitations, The

War in Virginia
Weeping womb
Wound of Eve that never heals, The
Wounded clam

My Prodigious & Prolific Period Continues

Written on day 15 of the period from hell.

My repro. endo. was able to squeeze me in for an ultrasound yesterday; and they discovered what appears to be another uterine fibroid, possibly two!

Back in early May I was told that I had 3 fibroids, but that one was not operable as it was intramural. So the surgery I had on 5/26/09 was to remove 2 submucosal fibroids. Well here's the kicker. Sometimes, very rarely, an intramural fibroid will pop through the uterine wall and become submucosal after other fibroids have been removed. (It's kinda like when you go to a store and you pull a bottle of nail polish off the rack and another one pops into it's place right away.) This fibroid saw an opening and took it. When the fibroid pops through the uterine wall it often causes what doctors call abnormal uterine bleeding. That's what has happend to me.

It may be interesting to note that I had pedunculated fibroids the size of large pears removed in November of 1998. Back then I was living in Massachusetts and the procedure was done laparoscopically. My recovery time was about a month.

However, the only way to confirm that is with a sonohysterogram and that can't be done until I stop bleeding. The way we stop my abnormal uterine bleeding is to put me on birth control pills for at least 2 months. It's not a normal dose of bcp's though. I am to take 3 pills a day for the first 7 days, then 2 pills a day for the next 7 days, then 1 pill a day for the next 7 days. Then I skip the placebo week, and start all over again. This is very upsetting to me because I just want to stop bleeding, so I can work on being healthy enough to get pregnant. Oh yeah, after my period stops, I go back in for the sonohysterogram and then they schedule me another surgery to remove this new fibroid(s) which has decided to poke it's ugly head out into my uterus.

So in the meantime I am borderline anemic and exhausted all the time because I am going through 8-10 maxi pads a day. Correction: I was using two of the Always thin ultra, overnight pads with wings at a time, but that just wasn't enough. So now I am using the extra large, ultimate Poise pad. It's gigantic and uncomfortable but it works. It is reminiscent of the old fashioned super Kotex that required the use of a belt.

If only my garden grew things as well as my uterus, I'd have a bumper crop of veggies.

RANT: My Period From Hell!

TMI Warning for All Men: I am about to talk in detail about my menstrual cycle. If this makes you queasy or just disgusted, stop reading now!

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RANT: My Period From Hell!

My period started late in the afternoon of Wednesday, July 8, 2009. I had no cramps and minimal flow, to no flow. Late in the evening of Saturday, July 11, 2009 my flow became quite heavy and I experienced severe cramping. My menstrual flow has remained heavy since then; but the cramping has been sporadic and milder since Wednesday, July 15, 2009. Since Wednesday, the 15th I have felt very lethargic. I have also felt light headed off and on,since Thursday, July 16, 2009. Since Thursday night around 7:00 PM I have been wearing 2 overnight maxi pads and changing them every 2-3 hours.

I have not felt nauseous, nor have I noticed a fever; but I have been craving protein all week. I'm guessing that is a result of all the blood and iron lost.

This is my 2nd period since my hysteroscopic myomectomy, on May 26, 2009. My June period was the same as before the surgery. It lasted 6 days and I had severe cramping and heavy flow. I went back to my usual 3 Motrin every 4 hours.
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7/17/09 -On the advice of the doctor who did my surgerys nurse I am going to the ER. She thinks I may have lost too much blood and need a transfusion. YIKES!
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The ER didn't keep me, nor did they do a blood transfusion as I only appeared borderline anemic from the blood work they did and my white blood cell count was normal. They did give me a prescription for Vicodin for the cramps though. I didn't fill it cause that doesn't solve the problem. It will just knock me out so I don't feel the cramps. The cramps have become less severe. They don't make me double over anymore.

The ER kindly gave me a copy of the results of all the bloodwork they did and I have faxed it to my doctors office in Atlanta.
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7/18/09 - Right now, I'm weak. I do one or two things like make breakfast and fold clothes and then I need an hour nap.

You know how after giving birth some women complain that when they laugh, cough, or sneeze a little urine leaks out and they can't control it. Well thats how I have been all week, only it's the blood flow. I can feel it surging or gushing out of me when I laugh, cough, or sneeze. It's damned annoying.

Fortunately or unfortunately the results of my blood work were borderline. Last night the ER doctor explained that while I had definetely lost a lot of blood it wasn't enough to require a transfusion.

When I called Dr.Pauli, who was on call for my reproductive endocrinologist this morning and read him the results of the bloodwork he said the exact same thing. I have to admit that made me feel relieved.

I know it's wrong; but I have a slight prejudice against some of the local doctors because we are in such a rural area. I feel like maybe they don't know as much as the doctors in Atlanta. In some cases I'm right and in others I have been wrong. It's about 50/50. The ER doc ticked me off because he mentioned the 'H' word. Hysterectomy. I'm still hoping to meet Mr. Right and have kids! A hysterectomy is not an option. He reminded me of Dr. Charles Emerson Winchester from M*A*S*H and his pompous attitude annoyed me. He is the second rural doctor to tell me I needed a hysterectomy. Meanwhile I have had 3 doctors in Atlanta who know for a fact I am still able to conceive and bear children normally. As a matter of fact just teo months ago I was told by a reproductive endocrinologist in Atlanta that I had very nice ovaries and a many viable eggs.

Numerous studies and statistics show that black women are encouraged to have hysterectomys more than white, Asian, or Latina women. Black women are often forced into hysterectomies in their 20's where as other races are told to not even think about it until they are in their 50's.

The cramps are much less than before which is the other reason I didn't fill the Vicodin script.

On Monday I will call Dr. Roberts., Dr. Pauli said they may need to do a hysterosalpingogram which the ER doc had also mentioned. This is done for a few reasons. In my case it will be to: Find problems in the uterus, such as an abnormal shape or structure, an injury, polyps, fibroids, adhesions, or a foreign object in the uterus. These types of problems may cause painful menstrual periods or repeated miscarriages.

Based on the results of my bloodwork Dr. Pauli said I should take the following supplements: Iron, Calcium, Folic Acid, and a stool softener such as Colace to counteract the constipation from the Iron.

I'm curious, if I took the calcium in the morning and the iron at night or vice versa would I still get constipated? I'm already prone to constipation because of IBS. The last thing I need is to make it worse.

As of today, I am on day 16 of my period with no end in sight.


I enjoy being a girl!

Mystery Malady - SOLVED!

I had an appointment today with my gastroenterologist, about that weird pain I had a few weeks ago. I was worried that it might be a hernia or appendicitis, or maybe even adhesions from my recent surgery. I later concluded that it was my IBS acting up. I was wrong. :(

FYI - I had my post-op appt. with my reproductive endocriniologist on 7/10/09 and I mentioned the pain to her and she assured me it was NOT adhesions as you only get those when they cut through the fascia. Since my surgery was done hysteroscopically she did not have to cut through the fascia.

Turns out my Mystery Malady was actually a transferrence of pain due to my diverticulosis. Y'all may recall I was eating popcorn when it happend. Popcorn is high on the list of fiberous foods that I should not eat as it lodges in the pockets (diverticula) causing the blinding pain which I felt that night.

Mystery solved. However, I have to have an EGR at the end of the month to determine the cause of my annoying gastric reflux.

Other than that life is grand.

Mom is plucking my last good nerve!

I had a bad day with mom. One of those days where I wish matricide was legal.
She thinks I always have to be right. I don’t. I’m actually the least competitive person you will ever meet.

We have a lawn swing similar to this one, actually we have 2; one at either end of the pool. Mom tightened the bolts so that the canopy was flat across the top and not tilted. I said that was a bad idea because people like to move the canopy so the sun won’t be in their eyes and because of the strong winds which we get all the time here. This was like 3 weeks ago.

Sunday night we had a major thunder and lightning storm with HIGH WINDS and monsoon like rain. You guessed it! One lawn swing was blown into the deep end of the pool. Basically the lawn swing canopy acted like Mary Poppins umbrella and went airborne.

I know what y’all are thinking, “So what, let her get it out of the pool.” She's 79 and has bad arthritis in her hands, knees, and hips! The last thing I needed was for her to try and do it herself and fall in the pool or worse. FWIW: I couldn’t do it by myself and right now I’m the strongest person in the house. I know because I tried before I went to the dentist on Monday afternoon. That's right in addition to having chipped a tooth and needing extra novocaine which left my mouth sore until 9 PM. I come home and have to deal with a willful and bratty senior citizen.

You have no idea how hard it was for mom and I to get that damned thing out of the pool! Dad was of course in drill sargeant mode, so he directed and mom ignored his directions and mine until I snapped and started yelling at her.

It was a 2 person job no matter how you slice it.

She won't just do what I tell her to do. It just pissed me off because I told her not to do it and she did; and it caused major aggravation and stress for all of us. She’s lucky it didn’t scratch or tear a hole in the liner.

I swear to God all summer we have been hemorraghing money.

This is like the 4th time in six months that I have asked and/or told her to do something and she has flat out ignored me. She was lucky this time. The last two times she ignored me, when she finally realized there was a problem it cost her thousands of dollars to correct.